When I was in active addiction, I had no dreams. I had no desires, no motivation, no will go do anything. No will to live. Even caring for and playing with my daughter, whom I love more than anything else in the world, was a daunting task.
All I wanted was to collapse into myself like a dying star. And even in recovery, nothing seemed to change.
Then I learned to forgive myself. I learned to reach out for help. I learned to find things that I enjoyed doing. And I learned to help others.
My life and circumstances aren’t significantly less difficult than they were when I was using, if I’m being honest.
I had a car accident that resulted in my license being suspended and my car being totaled. I lost my job due to covid and being pregnant. Now I can’t get a new job because I have three kids. My marriage is stable at best.
But I have hope. And I have faith. And I have a wonderful support system, a family who loves me and needs me. I have hobbies and goals and aspirations. I have dreams.
Three years ago all I wanted was to have dreams again.
Now I have that and so much more. Today I feel grateful, and blessed. And I owe that, in large part, to my sobriety–and to God, of course.
Sobriety allows us to dream again, and allows us to achieve those dreams.
Don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle, because it is coming. It may not look the way you thought it would. But it will show up, and when you least expect it.