My one month old seems to cry all the time. Which means my two year old has to cry and destroy things because she wants attention. My six year old just wants to be an only child again.
My house is a mess and I can’t seem to keep it under control for longer than an hour at a time (assuming all kids are asleep, which almost never happens).
Even my dog is acting out. Because why not?
Running a business is hard with three kids. Running a business and taking care of the house with three kids is even harder. Being an attentive wife and loving, supportive, nurturing mother?
Days like this used to be my reason for using. Somehow it just seemed like the best possible solution.
But recovery happens one day at a time. And today I know that if I were to use, there’s no way the house would get cleaned. My kids wouldn’t be fed. My business would crumble. Because all of my time, money, energy and resources would go into my next fix. And the next. And the next.
Days like today are why I can’t use. Because my kids need me. My family needs me. I need me. To be present, and healthy, and (somewhat) sane.
Recovery happens one day at a time. And sometimes one second at a time. And days like today, the only possible solution is to give myself some grace, keep pushing forward, and do the best I can.
God help me.
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