I Was Addicted to Suboxone, Now I’m Free

I struggled on and off of suboxone for approximately 10 years. This is my experience with it.

I am not knocking it but it does become a crutch when you don’t have a need for it. I kept telling myself it was to control my pain but I feel the difference. My thought process was not clear, I was impulsive, I could go on. But what gets me most is that–I was numb. I could not feel.

It’s like I have been on auto-pilot. Everything I did went against my beliefs and that is torture in itself. It kept me blind to my behavior that slowly but surely progressed. It also gave me the energy, that feeling that I can do anything. And that is a dangerous place to be.

I always had that fear of being sick–but not even that was as bad as those other thoughts that are constant: Having to make sure you have it on you. Making sure no one steals them. Ugh–too much. It was definitely a full time job with lots of over time. Too much energy.

It controlled me and my life; and, having a clear head now, I can see how many terrible decisions I have made. Poor choices in people, my actions–just not good. I thank God that it saves people from using street drugs, but these doctors are keeping people on this for too long. Young kids, too. I thank God I found something that is plant-based and is helping me so much.

I was able to get off all medications. I have not had pain, and with this cold it’s been years since I could function without being on anything, and I feel great. Full of energy, focus, no anxiety or depression. This 3 pill system is amazing and life-changing. I am running around like I am half my age and it feels great.

I am not making any claims. I am not cured, but I do have a quality of life which I have not had for as long as I can remember. I do battle my Hashimoto’s Disease (an autoimmune disorder which causes my immune system to attack my thyroid), arthritis, ADD, anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder–but I combat it naturally.

I also take a collagen that is anti-aging as well, and has also been life changing. I don’t even have to take aspirin. I can actually really focus on my mental health by staying active and going to the gym. I even committed to waking up at 5 am for 100 days. I am actually putting the work in on myself my health, and it feels good. My days are a lot easier. It’s like–things just work out in my favor. And I am even controlling my anger, not getting frustrated. I am surprising myself everyday. When I go back in my journals I can see how much I have grown, and it feels great. It is so exciting!

Yesterday was my 14 months of sobriety and I am so proud of that. I am also protecting it with my life. I have used all the tools I have picked up in the 14 month period. I will say that what really did it for me was therapy. My therapist is in recovery, so I believe that made it easy for me to open up and actually work through the pile of shit that piled up throughout the years ,and I had no idea what was right in my face. So, I do thank God for my awareness and my consciousness because now I can correct it. I have had therapy for years, but never really spoke about what really matters. And it all stems from trauma.

I have been stuffing stuff down because I was conditioned that way. Always put everyone before myself. Well now I put me first and I am evolving into a person that I can be proud of, to go out and share my strength and hope with those that are still struggling. Recovery is very possible and you will feel free and happy. You don’t have to use. Reach out! I do not mind taking time out to talk to anyone, and give you some comfort or just tools that I have used because they work.

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