Anger is a secondary emotion. Many of us know that–we may not like to hear it, but we know it.
But the thing about anger is that it’s a defense mechanism. It protects us. It wraps us up in a blanket warm with resentment and heavy with rage and it keeps us covered from the pain and heartache of whatever lies underneath.
Anger is like a drug. When we don’t have drugs to hide us from our emotions we pick up anger and hold on for dear life.
Anger isn’t a ‘fun’ feeling. It doesn’t spark joy. It doesn’t feel nice. But it’s better than the alternative. The lesser of two evils, right?
The problem is, we can only hold onto that anger for so long. Sooner or later, no matter how good we’ve gotten or how much we’ve practiced the escape–reality always shows up. And we either spontaneously combust into a ball of flames consuming and destroying everything in our path (metaphorically, of course. Or not, I don’t know your life) or–
We break down.
And man, is that break just the worst.
All at once our security blanket crumbles and we’re left with all those feelings we’ve been hiding from. Feelings we couldn’t identify. Feelings we didn’t even know were there because our anger kept us blissfully unaware.
It’s only a moment. A moment of excruciating pain. A moment of confusion and pain that fall from the sky out of nowhere and almost knock us unconscious. We can’t breathe or think or act, all we can do is feel. Oh, that feeling.
But it’s only a moment. And it will pass, just like every other moment that’s come and gone and we survived. And we will survive.
Because there’s no other choice.
We’ve gambled away too much of our lives to lose again to a feeling. We’ve done the work and exercised our minds and our will, training for this exact moment. We know what to do.
Breathe through it.
Feel it. We have to feel it.
And let it pass.
Because it will pass. It will.
And we’ll be stronger again.
And that’s when the healing begins. The pain can begin to fade like one season passing into the next and we can breathe again. We can feel again. The way we’re supposed to. The way it seems that everyone else in the entire world knew how to do from the very start except for us.
And it will be magical.
It will be magical because we’ll be free and we’ll be safe and we’ll be whole. We’ll put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time until we find ourselves where we always knew we were meant to be–we just had no idea what it looked like or how we would get there.
And we’ll be safe.
Just like that, we can breathe again. Refocus. Remember that it’s all part of the process. It’s all a part of healing.
And we’ll get through this. Just like we’ve gotten through every other moment that’s ever brought us to our knees pleading for another way out. But the only way is through and we know that now. Because we found our way through.
And we’ll find our way through again.
Just one step at a time until we’re on the other side.